So I started boot camp this week and it went something like this:
My sister and I made a commitment, we would put $65 in the bank, (joining fee and 3 months online for Weight Watchers) and if in three months we had not lost weight, we HAD to join Weight Watchers. (I’m not knocking WW, in fact I lost 40 pounds and managed to keep it off thanks to WW. I just don’t wanna do it.
So I am logging in to SparkPeople, logging my food, working out and being careful. One week goes by and NOTHING. My body just has a mind of its own. So I get frustrated, after all I know how hard it is for me to lose weight. So I scout around and call the Boot Camp guy. The one I was gonna do the two weeks before Christmas and didn’t?
So I find out the times for bootcamp, the whens wheres and hows, and I say I’m going Monday. Only on Monday morning, I have a meltdown. My room has been a mess since March, and probably really since October. I just can’t take it anymore. I clean my room. I bag my winter clothes. I put them outside and on Freecycle. So no retreat. I have no winter clothes so I have to drop sizes.
I decide to go to 6 pm bootcamp. I drive to where it is. (terrified) I get there early. There is a bunch of teenage boys in that gym. And a group of people doing those whistle drills (not a fan). I’m early, the gym has two open bay doors like a car garage. I wait 30 minutes and go in side. The people there say, oh no it’s 630. I say no 6 and I decide to get back in my car and just try again on Tuesday. On Tuesday I discover that I was at the wrong gym Monday night. I find I do love boot camp, no whistles or drills, just fun with adults my own age. My trainer is positive and in a world of negativity, he is refreshing.
He however, works every muscle in my body. On Tuesday I walk at lunch and at night I teach yoga. On Wednesday I go to boot camp again and walk at lunch. On Thursday my alarm goes off and I can’t walk, sit to pee or stand up straight. Yep, he hit every muscle on my body. So I rationalize that I’ll go to boot camp on Friday. Three days the first week is good right? I walk at lunch and then teach yoga.
Friday how I hate you. First, I have to finish packing my car, decide what to wear for the next 3 days and pack it and some extra food. (a diet comes with bootcamp) All at 4 a.m.
I get it all packed up, and am in the car by 5:20, only five minutes late. Woot. I get a block and remember one thing I forgot. Back to house, grab thing, and hit it.
Traffic is kind and I get to gym on time. I go downstairs (with effort) and people are setting up little boxes I think, “Oh great he’s thrown some box work in.” “Hello” says a really perky blond with a head phone mike on and I get a little nervous. Sure enough like years ago when I went to yoga and it would be turned into pilitaes, I have gone to boot camp and been stuck in STEP Aerobics!!!!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHH. Step Aerobics is the physical activity I hate the most. Hates it my precious. Besides if you’ve seen my thigh muscles, you would know, I don’t need to build them up.
So I go up stairs and ask, “does Jeff not do boot camp on Fridays?” The answer of course is no. Well lovely. I could have ran in my neighborhood, taken longer to pack and all would have been fine. But I’m here, and I’m no quitter and I’m committed to changing my shape so back down the stairs I go.
I get a box, and get to it. Perky is even perkier now, she asks if I’ve ever taken step aerobics, and I say years ago, and I think, “and after this morning never will again.” The first 15 minutes is easy, I’m thinking, “Maybe this is a beginner step aerobics.” For some reason, step aerobics instructors assume you know the routine, they say stuff like “West Side Story” and you are just supposed to know what to do.
After about 15 minutes, I’m thinking, not bad. Um, no, don’t think, try not to trip over the block and get a knee injury that would really put a hold on your fitness plans. And better yet, stop making those high school gym faces like this is so lame and why am I here? You are here missy to get some sweat going, now do it!
You only have to stay 30 minutes, It’s been 25 so only five more. Only five more, only five more. Is that clock broken? We have gone “around the world” two times, jump lunged, west side story and some other stuff that I have no clue of, and come on clock! That clock is broken, yes, right there at 25 after it’s broken and I will be stuck here on a step block for ever. Oh I hate my life. Look in the mirror, really? That shirt again? It’s not as pretty as you thought!
Focus, kick step, up, down, don’t trip. Yes I had stumbled into my very own personal “Step Aerobic Hell Ground Hog day.” It was brutal.
After about an hour, the clock finally said 6:30 and I left. Not without Perky saying “good job, you did good.” I wanted to roll my eyes like I did at the gym teacher. But its not her fault I hate step.
Happy me, I brought a towel. But can you imagine this? Me, who loves shoes, who took 10 pairs of shoes on a 10 day trip, didn’t bring shoes for work. So I had to wear tennis shoes with my denim skirt and too big shirt, because that’s right folks, my shirt is too big and it just makes me look frumpy.
Get the picture? Denim skirt, too big shirt, tennis shoes, and hair up. Oh lord, I switched religions and no one told me!
